Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Wedding Toast

I was at my daughter's wedding over the weekend, and she asked that I prepare a toast for the occasion. In addition to the daunting task of uttering the line "her family and I" when asked who gives this woman to be wed, I had to get through the following speech before we cut the cake. I practiced and practiced and was never able to read it aloud without choking up. I think I did OK with the actual toast (I had to "take a minute" a couple of times) but it seemed to turn out well. Here is the text:

"When you have the good fortune to have a child, a beautiful little daughter, you are immediately scared. Scared beyond belief that you won't be able to shoulder all the responsibility of sheparding this new, fragile life into the 'veil of tears.'

As she grows, you foolishly grow more confident: Confident that you can help shape and steer this undirected bundle down a safe and rewarding path. You actually believe you can keep her from harm's way.

But somewhere, things change. Your little girl turns out to be a little person, then a not-so-little person, then a fully grown 'I'll make my own decisions' woman.

And you are scared again. Scared beyond belief that somehow, somewhere you made a mistake, you forgot an ingredient in the magic potion. Will your darling child be able to avoid the dangers, the pitfalls of a dangerous world? Did you fail her?

So she chooses. Some you agree with and some you don't. You are alternately relieved and anxious. Sure, Erin understands Bob Dylan. Good choice. Sure, Erin pierced her eyebrow with a saftey pin, when she was 14, on a Saturday morning, while cleaning the house. What were you thinking? Seriously.

As those choices pile up, and you are consulted less at first and more later, you force yourself to relax. Your beautiful little daughter has a big, beautiful mind, and will, and sense of self. Her choices fit - her. She learns from her mistakes; mabye not always the first time, but eventually, and at least as well as you.

So here's to you Erin and your terrific choice of Daniel (not such a bad chooser himself) to be your friend, partner, and mate. May you both have many choices in front of you, and may you find all the challenges you need and all the secrets you desire.

Please always be kind one to the other. Laugh at your own foibles, and relax. They almost always turn out just right."