Sunday, September 03, 2006

Birthdays

My 51st birthday just passed, so this is an excellent time for some contemplation. Particularly since I spent it at the Ballpark in Arlington watching the Texas Rangers lose again. The dogged blows of defeat were softened somewhat by the company (Thanks T, Jeff, V, and John) and the drinks, but mostly by the comfort of the Gold Club.

At 51, sitting outside in Texas heat no longer is nostalgic (ah, the summers of my youth), just crazy. Instead, we adjourned to the air-conditioned Gold Club to barely pay attention to the game and to learn of wonderful events like Beer Kickball, at which John apparently excels.

On a different note, I also learned that I will soon (sometime in January) be introduced to my grandson. Yes, Erin did the ultrasound and is revealing the gender - the little fellow finally cooperated by turning around and proudly displaying his equipment.

Grandson - a strange concept to me, having only had one daughter and one stepdaughter. Well, I firmly believe boys are easier to raise than girls (based solely on the single shred of evidence that if they were harder to raise than my daughter, people would kill them). Hopefully, he will be as smart as Erin was, and as determined to create his own sense of self. What appeared to be difficulty turns out to have been the very best thing, because Erin is aware of herself, of others, and knows how to make her way in this rather difficult world. I am glad my grandson is getting solid parents. I take at least 50% credit :)

It is not always easy to do the right thing, as I am learning yet again. Justification and rationalization are easier. Work that is not fulfilling can be soul deadening, but work where you find yourself compromising your principles is soul killing. I am sure someone out there must have also run up against this issue.

I am currently reading Geoffery Wolff's biography of John O'Hara, very cleverly titled The Art of Burning Bridges. While not an O'Hara fan (Pal Joey, Butterfield 8, Appointment in Sumarra) I find it very interesting to read about his mixture of insecurity and arrogance. When you meet someone who is just totally full of himself, often they have had very unsettling events in their past, and that event most likely is a distant or unloving parent. John O'Hara was a pill as an adolescent, totally full of himself, but his father disdained him to such a degree that on his (father's) deathbed, his last words were "Poor John." Damn, what a curse to carry, particularly if you are a high self monitor (to use a psychological term) who pays careful attention to how other people react to you. As parents, I am not sure we understand how the slights we offer our children can be nourished into full-fledged personality problems as they grow older.

So my advice - if you are a parent, tell your child you love them, because you probably do, but you may not make it obvious. Be comfortable with their sins - it's not our place to judge. And if you are a child, forgive your father or mother for those hurts because they probably didn't mean it. Life is so distracting that things get said and actions taken all the time that have no meaning other than they were convenient in the moment.